Skip to main content

Musings 1317.296 Creatively blocked

Artistic angst is real.
Lately I've felt so stifled artistically. I give everything I've got to job and family and there's nothing left, time nor energy to create. If I have to be there for everyone else, who'll be there for me? I'm alone, adrift on an artistic wasteland. Have you ever felt lost and blocked, restricted about to burst from frustration? I feel a tug of war between the people in my life, on one side supportive and encouraging but on the other not really understanding my urge for more, don't know how to support and want me to stay in the box with them because it's all they know. After all misery loves company right? I'm too claustrophobic for that fucking box, it's crowded, suffocates me and feels like its causing  a slow and painful death. I need to create but the palpable pain of not being able to harness the gift, to express it is like walking around with your hands tied together all the time. The anxiety sometimes grips me by the chest and I feel it's going to burst out of me. To be given desire but then deprived of it is the cruelest joke I can think of.
There's a difference between being creative and being talented and when you feel you've something greater and better to give but clueless how to go about it all the while pressures of life conspire to undermine with the drone of everyday responsibility.  My life is now half over, I am terrified that it's almost too late, and will have nothing to show for the time spent and lost.