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Showing posts from October, 2017

Musings 1317.297 3:00 am feeding

Deep night is one of the most frustrating times  for me. For some reason this is the hour that my brain opens up to the cosmos and ideas flood in. I should be sleeping at that time because I have to get up at 5:15 to for work. Normally, if I don't record these ideas, by the light of day it's all gone. The how, what, and why seems most clear during this time, one of the reasons I think I'm such a night owl. If I don't have to be anywhere the next day it's not unusual to stay up until sunrise. My husband says I should get a night job but being creative is a job, one that unfortunately I don't get paid for. Yet.

Musings 1317.296 Creatively blocked

Artistic angst is real. Lately I've felt so stifled artistically. I give everything I've got to job and family and there's nothing left, time nor energy to create. If I have to be there for everyone else, who'll be there for me? I'm alone, adrift on an artistic wasteland. Have you ever felt lost and blocked, restricted about to burst from frustration? I feel a tug of war between the people in my life, on one side supportive and encouraging but on the other not really understanding my urge for more, don't know how to support and want me to stay in the box with them because it's all they know. After all misery loves company right? I'm too claustrophobic for that fucking box, it's crowded, suffocates me and feels like its causing  a slow and painful death. I need to create but the palpable pain of not being able to harness the gift, to express it is like walking around with your hands tied together all the time. The anxiety sometimes grips me by

Musings 1317.279 Balancing the days

What happened to my weekend? With 4 days off I'm going to get so much done. Right. I always try to work my PTO days around a holiday when the offices are closed. If the  observance day falls on Monday I tend to take the Friday off. This way I get two short work  weeks split up by a long weekend. I had good intentions of getting some long overdue projects completed. I was going to clear out my closet, do some much needed mending to my clothes, get rid of things that don't fit or I don't wear anymore and work on my CAD techniques. A little more than a week ago I had a late night incident which resulted in a hairline fracture of my 4th toe on my right foot. Within the last week I've figured out how to drive with my big toe, use my left foot  to brake and gotten my limp down to barley noticeable when I walk. I still can't wear a closed toe shoe (trust me, I've tried) but I've come a long way. The first day was nothing but naps  broken up by a lot of ch